🎭 The Daily Comedy Roundup 🎭

Charlie Kirk, the conservative activist who was assassinated at Utah Valley University on September 10, is receiving a memorial service today at State Farm Stadium in Arizona. The event expects 100,000 attendees with speakers including President Trump, VP JD Vance, and a roster that reads like a MAGA fantasy football lineup. Musical performances include Lee Greenwood and Christian worship singers, because nothing says “political memorial” quite like a stadium concert.

A 100,000-person memorial service? That’s more people than attended most of Trump’s campaign rallies, which means this might actually be the first time he’s not lying about crowd size. They’re calling it a memorial, but with this guest list and production value, it’s basically the Conservative Political Action Conference with 20% more crying. The dress code is “patriotic Sunday best” in red, white, and blue – because apparently grief has a color scheme now. I’m just waiting for them to announce the halftime show featuring a golden calf shaped like the Constitution.

ABC indefinitely suspended “Jimmy Kimmel Live!” after controversial comments about Charlie Kirk’s alleged killer, sparking widespread outrage from fellow late-night hosts. Stephen Colbert, Jon Stewart, Jimmy Fallon, and Seth Meyers all defended Kimmel during their Thursday shows, with many calling it government censorship.

“Tonight, we are all Jimmy Kimmel. This is blatant censorship.”

“You can’t go around firing somebody because you’re fearful or trying to suck up to an authoritarian criminal administration.”

Nothing brings comedians together quite like the threat of unemployment! Watching late-night hosts defend each other is like watching a pack of hyenas protecting their favorite watering hole – except the watering hole is free speech and the threat is FCC Chairman Brendan Carr, who apparently thinks his job description includes “comedy critic.” Colbert even brought back “The Word” segment from his old show, proving that sometimes you need to resurrect old characters to fight new villains. Meanwhile, Jon Stewart made a “special Thursday appearance” with what he called a “government approved” show, which is the comedic equivalent of malicious compliance. It’s like watching the Avengers assemble, if the Avengers told jokes and the villain was bureaucratic intimidation.

Over 61,000 protesters took to the streets across the Philippines on Sunday, demanding accountability for corruption in flood control projects worth over $9.5 billion. The demonstrations coincided with the 53rd anniversary of martial law declaration, with some clashes resulting in 49 arrests when protesters threw rocks and set police motorcycles ablaze.

Nothing says “we’re mad about flood control corruption” quite like setting things on fire in the streets. The protesters chose September 21st – the anniversary of martial law – because apparently irony is a universal language. When your flood control projects are so corrupt that they inspire nationwide protests, you know someone’s been skimming more than just water off the top. At least 49 people were arrested for “stomping, pushing, and hurling stones,” which sounds less like political protest and more like my nephew’s last birthday party. But hey, when $9.5 billion goes missing and you’re still flooding every rainy season, sometimes you’ve got to make your own waves.